Wednesday, April 2, 2008

To Give or Not to Give

Let me just start by saying that I'm generally or at least think I am a good gift giver. I enjoy giving gifts to people and often times more generous than I should be (at least that is what my husband Justin says when he sees what I spend). With that tidbit of information about me, I'm asking for any advice you can give on a particular predicament that I find myself in.

Last summer friends of mine and Justin's got engaged. They asked Justin to be the best man, our daughter Madison to be the flower girl and me to be one of the bridesmaids. We said yes of course to all three although deep down wondered why. We knew Justin would be asked because he has been best friends with the groom since he was 8 years old. Although I really like the bride we don't spend time together other than when we get together as couples and they already had a niece as a flower girl so they really didn't need a 2nd one. I also let them now immediatly that we were trying for another baby so a maternity dress may be needed.

Fast foward to now. The dresses have been ordered, the shower planning has begun and we are already quickly approaching the $1,000.00 mark for money spent on this wedding. We have yet to pay for dress alterations, Justin's tux, shoes, hair, two nights at an upscale hotel, bachelor party (the groom has high hopes of a weekend of golf in Myrtle Beach, guess he thinks we hit the lottery or something), wedding gifts and other incidentals. By the time the wedding hits I will also most likely be a stay at home mom (other than my Mary Kay buisness that I am building) with a new 7 week old baby added to the mix.

Now maybe it is because I'm not one for a traditional wedding (hubby and I had a destination wedding in Mexico) or maybe it is because I'm not really close to the bride. Then again maybe it is because there are only 3 bridesmaids that are throwing a very pricey shower at an upscale B&B at the Jersey shore or because I will soon be out of a steady income but I find myself questioning my choice of gifts for the shower. The other two girls in the bridal party want to do their own thing for a gift instead of all chipping in together for one nice gift. This leaves me in limbo. Do I get a gift on my own, do I chip in with my mom or do I say screw it your wedding (2nd by the way) is already costing more money and more aggravation than my own so the shower and all the little extra touches that I've added are your gift. I can't help but think that if this were one of my truly close friends or if the crazy future sister-in-law who calls me on the daily left me alone, I'ld be a little less bitter. So my question to you is what would you do and am I making a big deal over nothing? Can't wait to hear your advice and as always any stories of similar situations that you have found yourself in.


1 comment:

30 Minute Mommy said...

I say chip in with your mom for a modest gift. I think it is weird that the bridesmaids don't want to go in on it together. That is pretty traditional. Why can't eveyone have a Moon Palace wedding? I'll drop the cash in a second for a destination wedding.